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Saturday, April 21st, 2012
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11:35 am - A life less than ordinary
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That is what I've always wanted, Lord. And that is what I still want.
Shield me not from the temptations of this world;
But strengthen me, in learning to face them full on and overcome.
I do not need to be rich and famous, I should not be remembered when I return to dust.
All I want, is to make a difference, even the slightest ripple in the ocean.
Make me an instrument of yours.
current mood:  envious
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| Tuesday, September 6th, 2011
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4:44 pm
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Today, the skies are clear and blue as can be;
just as I am reminded that the storm always passes.
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| Wednesday, August 17th, 2011
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11:17 pm - for you, a thousand times over
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a thousand words, unpenned.
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| Friday, November 5th, 2010
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10:14 pm - blow up the parliament and forever be remembered.
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Remember, remember the fifth of November,
gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason, why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Happy Guy Fawkes day! we had fireworks on campus tonight and it was pretty awesome watching it... it evoked a certain nostalgia of watching meteor showers out in dark, cold cornfields. anyways. I've never celebrated Guy Fawkes day before. it's sucha Brit thing haha. the Brits should really just stick to this and the Americans, halloween :)
I've had a wonderful time this week and I really wish it didn't have to end. and what's more, things around me have started to fall into place, slowly, but surely. there is much to be done back at work too and I really hope everything goes well next week. and the week after, India!
thanks God, once again, for everything.
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| Monday, June 21st, 2010
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7:15 pm
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the reason I hardly even write anymore is because I can't bring myself to write. everything, everything stays inside me.
sometimes I wish I weren't like that.
never thought I could fall so easily. didn't seem like I would.
please hang on to your faith.
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| Wednesday, April 28th, 2010
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10:38 pm - They are precious in His sight
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I can’t even find the words to describe how a m a z i n g lesotho was. not just the beautiful country, but lovely people, lovely children. and my children. the trip has taught me so much, and has truly made me realise just how blessed I am, we are. it’s been a good and much needed reminder about the things in this life that are truly important. I hope I will hold on to this lesson and live the way God wants me to, and do what He calls me to. going on this trip and seeing so many people devote themselves to others.. I felt so inspired and empowered by the things I saw and experienced. it was like a strange epiphany of my life at this point. suddenly, the thing I've always wanted to do doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore. and in fact, I've come to learn that it doesn't have to be that dramatic for me to make a difference. there are so many ways in which I can serve Him. rolling out another round of job apps by the end of this week. so we’ll see… 
can't wait to go back.
current mood:  thankful for everything
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2010
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1:56 pm - I can't get over it
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I'm glad I got to experience it all and I'm really thankful to God for that.
but... I really wish I could have had it from the start, and that I would have it for good.
please God? what will it be here on?
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| Monday, January 25th, 2010
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8:40 pm - call out to You
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I am just so disillusioned, I want out. but is that escapism?
everything else seems either so short-term or meaningless, I wouldn't be able to stay with anything for long. there're only 2 things I can think of right now that I would actually stick to doing, but both seem so far-fetched in completely opposite directions.
I really wish God would just show me the way now, but I know He works in His time. everything works toward the better.
it's just that I'm really so confused and can't see things straight at this point.
I would so love to go back to those blissful days of yore. if they even existed, at all.
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| Sunday, July 19th, 2009
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1:25 pm - Dr. Joseph Ozawa
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no, I am not going to write about a man, but about a really moving sermon I heard today. it's been almost 10 years since I first remember hearing him preach. till today, most of the sermons I remember - in other words, which had an impact great enough to ingrain those lessons in me - were all by him. and I'm sure that it was by God's grace that I just so happened to go for this particular service today because it has been a long time since I have left the sanctuary feeling at peace. a sense of tranquility which allowed me to take time to slow down and once again appreciate things around me, and not to feel so easily irritable with everyone and everything. at last I could search deep within my soul and truly pull myself back onto track - something which I have long recognised the need for but for reasons unexplainable, just could not get myself to.
"least of these." why have I been dreaming of material things, worldly possessions? why was I becoming in the world and of the world? I had never wished for that. give me a heart of compassion o Lord, for that is what I knew I'd wanted long ago, and that is what I know I want now. honestly, not much else matters. what I'm going to do with my life post-graduation? I don't exactly know yet. but I do know that I did know that I wanted to follow my heart and do something which would directly deal with making a change in peoples' lives. those who need God. for now I still don't know what that would encompass, but until I sense a calling, I shan't know.
God works in wondrous ways. tossing the Bible in the air, blindly pointing at a verse and having it minister to you? yes. why do I love to read the gospel books so much? because they are stories of Jesus' life, in which His boundless perfection was exemplified through how He lived and what He did. He had a heart of compassion. for anyone and everyone. yes, He lived by example.
until I lost sight of it, that was how I wanted to live my life-
but I thank God for sending dr Joe Ozawa to preach today, a preacher I've always been fond of listening to not because I worship man, but because I know God speaks through him. not only from what he preaches but also from his demeanor can I sense a humble and genuine man of God. probably the reason why his only-from-the-gospels messages have remained with me till today.
I pray that God will continue to bless his ministry and touch the lives of many through him. Praise God.
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| Monday, June 22nd, 2009
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8:27 pm
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I think I'm glad that I'm going to chinaland tomorrow. I look upon it as a time to slow down and reflect on things. things in general. once again, I need to re-evaluate my life and ask myself if this is how I should be, how I want to be. because at the moment, I don't think it's going the way I w anted it to. I thought I'd grown up, but as I was riding the bus home today I began to reflect on so many things that have happened in the past year or so, and with utter horror I realised I might have reverted to being my immature self. china is going to be a good retreat. hopefully my dad's apartment will provide a condusive environment for conducting self-reflection. this break no doubt comes at a good time as I prepare to turn 22(!!) in a few weeks' time.
22. if only forever 21 could be true. at 22, one becomes fully adult after passing the initial euphoric first year of adulthood. yet each year as I grow older, it never feels like my self grows older. being 21 doesn't feel any different than when I was 16. and probably neither will it when I'm 50 compared to now. perhaps physically, yes. but pretty much nobody lives each day telling themselves how old they are. it's usually the society that reminds us of our age and tells us how we should act. it defines the boundaries within which we ought to confine our behaviour.
and it is because of this that I feel totally inadequate as a 21 year old, let alone soon-to-be 22 year old. I think I'll use the time away in china to seriously evaluate things, and to discern the reasonable from the unreasonable. alright. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore. I'm extremelyyyy tired and amazingly jetlagged. and I still have to unpack and pack for tmr's flight. departing eaRLY MORNING. augh
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| Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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6:17 am - only sweet memories
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as is tradition. I write on every last day of something.
so this is the end. the end of my amazing stay in the states. in illinois. in good old champaign-urbana. it's been such a special experience, every single thing I've been through here, good or bad, I've valued. which is perhaps what made my overall experience all the more awesome because I actually fought for my happiness. and then again, they say it's the people that make the place. and I think it's true. thank you Lord for all the wonderful people I've met, friendships I've forged in the past year. I think mere words cannot express all that I'm feeling right now, or then again maybe the reality that I'm leaving this place hasn't quite sunk in yet. but it will. this is the end.
I'm now on the illini shuttle. bakc the same way I came from 10 months ago. we're travelling on the i57 and it's storming like crazy and just as I typed that lightning lit up the whole freaking awesome sky. it's frightening, and maybe the flatness of the cornland makes the lightning seem even more stretched out.
I would like to write more to capture this moment but as I said nothing can really express my sentiments. and also, I'm wayyy too tired after moving stuff all night long. I think I'm going to konk out right after this..
oh the memories, the memories! surely they are for keeps
good morning o'hare.
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
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3:57 pm - is this the end?
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music possesses the unique power to transport you back in time, to the days of yore and sweet nostalgia...
only music and music alone.
for one too many a time in my life, don't say goodbye.
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| Saturday, April 11th, 2009
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5:09 am - Eastertime and I thank you for the cross, Lord
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yesterday was a terribly tiring day cuz we went to the mall, and I really am not much of a shopper. enough said. so the question is, why am I up at such a disgusting hour?
well, I have been lying in bed since 1 and trying my best to fall asleep - how you 'try to fall asleep' I simply cannot comprehend because usually I'm so tired I just... drift off real quick. so anyway, frustrated and mystified as to my sleeplessness, I finally decided to put an end to my miserable tossing and turning by getting up to study. and lo and behold, sitting at my desk, I find the answer staring me straight in the face...
I had had two LARGE cups of mcdonald's sweetened and unsweetened iced tea just before crawling into bed. no wonder they say I'm a genius.
that aside, it has been almost a week since my awesome-st hockey team won the championship. yes... we are officially the WCHL DIV CHAMPS, undefeated all season too!!!! love my team!! hockey is undoubtedly the best thing that happened to me in the UofI... aside from my cool friends, of course ♥ memories from my days here are definitely for keeps ♥
showstoppers... ladies you rock!
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| Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
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11:47 pm - April brings the fresh buds and delicate flowers
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I'm so on top of my work! I've finished all that I need to do for now and am therefore writing...
so Spring break ended off with a bang! we drove through random snow blizzards on our harrowing journey back from Seattle. yes, we drove. 4,334 miles. we came, we saw, we conquered... 6 states. and I LOVE my asb group to bits :) oh and on a side note, I loved it so much I actually applied for the summer trip, so I will be around for a bit after finals ;)
today consisted of yet another last. last hockey practice :( counting down with dread, yet with excitement. I really don't know anymore... I'm torn.
but along with the new life that comes with Spring, so the weekend brings... p-l-a-y-o-f-f-s!!!!!!!
I am so psyched right now.
GO ILLINI!!
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| Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
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10:17 pm - the first of many lasts to come
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so Friday was our last hockey league game in Homewood-Flossmoor and we tied. Saturday was our last game on home ice and it was filled with awesome moments- and I have a ton of photos to remember them by. that concludes my first ever hockey season. no wait... we still have play-offs the first week of April. then it will be goodbye for good :( anyway, I just really need to thank God for helping me through last week. I'd spent the bit part of the week in agony, and none of the medicine from McKinley could alleviate the pain. He knew that I really wanted so much to play the weekend's games... and lo and behold, I played, and I survived. and now I'm on the road to full recovery in time for...
Spring break. it needs to come soon. last Saturday I was confused for awhile during my hockey game because I thought we were in third period. but apparently we were still in second and hence I was playing the wrong wing. today... I missed my class because I was still living on Monday time?? Spring break really needs to come quick.
SEATTLE!!!!!
current mood:  excited
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| Friday, January 30th, 2009
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8:46 pm - Winter break was a blast
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Sometimes the best times are when you're busy. Too busy to have time to sit down and think, too busy to feel sad.
The past few days have been fairly hectic- classes have begun and all the quizzes, readings and whatnot are starting to pile up. I'm not sure if I'm glad to be so short of time and constantly feeling tired, but then again I get to fall asleep almost immediately when I crawl into bed. That leaves me with zero time to be emo...
I went sledding today.. and gained a couple of bruises before even playing hockey! Speaking of which, I have a game in about an hour's time.
current mood:  blank
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2009
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12:57 am - Happy New Year - pull your ear
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So it's 2009 and I'm in NYC... the past year has really flown by. Thanks for everything 2008, thank you Lord for all the things I've ever been blessed with. I'm kinda dreading having to go through yet another year, starting right from 01/01.. So I am feeling somewhat depressed- as always. But anyway. New Years in New York City (!!!) was just crazy... a totally new experience. I shan't even attempt to describe all that has happened these past few days- too much to pen, and besides, my sad command of language won't do my experiences any justice. Oh well. So. I went to Times Square tonight and froze my ass off for the countdown!!! :) :) and to watch "the damned ball" drop. Well, I did, and I really froze to death. At first I gave up and went back to the hostel... but then with my mum's persuasion (and for once I don't regret) we went back out to Times Square again.. and saw operation crystal ball drop through... amidst a crowd of frozen icicles since it was freaking 18 degrees. It was all worth it though, I think. As I said, I don't regret. and I just got back moments ago.
I'm really distracted now so I'm not going to write anymore, but I think the NYPD and all the people behind the success of tonight's celebration really deserve a huge hug and a handshake :) Men in uniform are my heroes :) And I thank God for the opportunity for me to be here :)
current mood:  frozen icicle
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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10:03 pm - BARACK OBAMA IS THE NEW PRESIDENT
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it was a forgone conclusion from the start. but now, it's official, BARACK OBAMA IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF AMERICA, THE NEW LEADER OF THE WORLD
deep into the fall, in the midst of an indian summer, we take a glance into the future....
I can hear people cheering outside now... it's pretty exciting to be here. and right smack in the middle of Illinois- the home state of Obama.
well, get down on your knees and pray- thank God or cry "why Lord?"- but I'm sure He knows what's best for the country and the world.
this will seriously be one of the biggest moments that's gonna go down in history.
and just in case you're wondering, I don't actually have an opinion on this whole presidential election. both candidates seem good, except that the past 8 years probably screwed up any chance poor John McCain had.
and so, that's that.
current mood: excited
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| Monday, October 20th, 2008
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1:02 am - Fall has descended upon us...
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Today marks the second month into my 1 year stint here in IlliNOIS.. and thus far, the school has treated me well. In 2 months, I've felt more at home here than I ever have in NSW... (or did I ever feel at home there at all?) I really do like this school, and I'm sure it's gonna blossom into love :) Anyway, today I went to watch my favourite Marching Illini in concert together with Little Friend :) Needless to say, the concert was awesome.. and on top of that, we got in free because a kind lady at the door gave us her 2 extra tickets when she heard that we had yet to get our tickets. Well I have never watched such an entertaining and creative performance by a band- true, they're a marching band so they've got more -moves- but they today they had the same performance space as a concert band would have... I captured some groove on video ;) aaahhhhh So we're now in the midst of the fall... the weather has cooled down drastically, the level of food consumption has escalated, the days of Chinese buffet + pizza party + ihop eat-all-you-can = single meal have arrived, and the pounds are on the way... Okay, it's depressing Sunday night and I intend to (really, I do) go for my 9am class tomorrow which I have not been to in 3 weeks. So I should sleep. 8 weeks down, 8 to go... I guess with so many things to be thankful for, I'm content now :)
current mood: happy
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| Thursday, September 25th, 2008
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2:04 am - midterms begin tomorrow...
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it's only week 5 and things are already in full swing- a huge contrast to aussie. I'm back to pulling all-nighters, cramming for exams and writing papers at the eleventh hour. I wish this would end soon. graduation, come soon. but till then, there are still many hurdles to cross...
anyway, I'm up in the middle of the night frantically trying to cover material for my exam tomorrow but I've ended up coming here to write. I suddenly had this whole feeling overcome me... for just one second I took my mind off psychcrap and allowed my mind to wander... whereupon my thoughts drifted to the warm memories of home, and most strangely, sydney...
perhaps it's not a feeling of longing to be back there but a sense of nostalgia. how time has flown by, and how it is flying by. I thought about my very first semester in uni... a period which may be more easily described as 'bittersweet memories'- I can't think of any more apt way to express how that stretch of time is now represented in my mind. I suppose the long and short of it all is that in His time, He makes all things beautiful. including the most unexpected 'things'. and I really gotta get back to studying. and sleep.
current mood:  pensive
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